I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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