I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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