Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
