i barfeds in our rink
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
