Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
