It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
