please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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