She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize