Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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