Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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