i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
