Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
