Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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