I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
