Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize