hotel room ftw
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
