I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
