She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
