i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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