Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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