White coat. Heels.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
