I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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