It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
