return my video game
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize