There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
