A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
