So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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