its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
