So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
