I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need help removing her.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
