come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
