alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
