hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
