Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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