Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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