im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
