We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
