I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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