am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
