i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize