guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
