the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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