R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
