but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
