I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
