They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
