i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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