Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
