Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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