sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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