***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
