If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
