I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
