whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize