We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
