I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently you make a good broom.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
