i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
