He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
