I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
