theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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