Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
