I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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