Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
