Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
