Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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