ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
