hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
