why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
