Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
