I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
