After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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