I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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