He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
