If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
