It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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