very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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