don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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