My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
