I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
