I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're like the curious george of whores
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
