Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
