Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
