He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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