So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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