Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
