My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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