i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
