I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
