did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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