I think I am morally bankrupt
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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