i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
