I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
