I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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