He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
