i don't like sucking hair
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
