i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
