I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
