I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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