I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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