I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
